Press
8. Writing a song for your partner.
“My lover recently wrote a song specifically about me. He made a voice recording of himself singing it, accompanied by his guitar and texted it to me. He sang about how my ‘bare skin is electric’ and he ‘paints a picture as pretty as my tattoo.’ I love it and feel seen and deeply connected to him. Although he did not physically touch me, I could feel his touch. I felt it in the attunement he has with himself through his craft as a musician. And he attuned to me through our connection to music and the very specific lyrics that only apply to me.” — Dori Melton, sex and relationship coach
‘Now I’m having the best sex of my life.’
“I’ve been postmenopausal for a couple of years at least. Now I’m having the best sex of my life. It’s largely due to the fact that I know exactly what I want. And I feel entitled to say, ‘This is what I want. And this is how I want it.’ And to also say, ‘No, that’s not what I want’ — even if it’s pretty minor. I just know what I want, and I know how to ask for it and to be demanding in a good way.
I had actually very few menopausal challenges, although I started acupuncture early. I’ve done regular acupuncture for probably 20 years now. And my acupuncturist’s goal from the beginning was like, ‘Let’s keep your cycle as regular as we possibly can for as long as we possibly can.’ And I think that was hugely helpful to me: having her support and having her focus on my hormones, to keep them going in the right way. So that’s what I recommend — not necessarily acupuncture — but don’t try to go through menopause solo. Get support, whatever support you can find, that will work for you.
As a sex coach, I’m a huge proponent of masturbation. Because that way, you know your whole body and that really empowers you then to say, ‘This is what really works for me.’ There’s a quality of ‘use it or lose it.’ So if you’re not in a partnership, and you’re not having regular sex and you’re not masturbating, you’re just not ‘juicing your flow,’ basically.
Find the vibrators that work for you. There are so many available right now: vibrators, dildos, combos. I encourage my clients to do “The O 30”: Masturbate 30 days straight, and see what you learn and see what changes in your life.” — Dori Melton, 58, Oakland, California